Very Confusing Stuff
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: This plot line doesn't make a whole lot of sense... at all. This was written while I was on a sugar high. Hiko wants to kill Kenshin for stealing his sake, and is now coming to kill him, Saito, Sano, and Aoshi. This is just really.... strange. 'Nuff s


#Mr. Miagi's banana factory owns nothing!!! Also, there will be stuff that will take place in this fic that is 100% FALSE information. Please don't take this seriously because, after all, it is a humor. One last thing, do NOT use sake a rubbing alcohol. If you just applied some to try it out... tell me if it works... (maybe I won't need to spend the extra money on rubbing alcohol when I can just use one of my dad's beers...^_^). If it is causing an allergic reaction to your skin DO NOT SCRATCH IT!!! Thank you for taking these precautions (you did take them, didn't you? *death glare*) Enjoy the fic!

It was a very beautiful morning when Hiko awoke in his shack/ house thing. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was the perfect day to get inebriated! Hiko got out of his futon and walked toward his beloved sake cabinet. He opened the cabinet door and reached his hand inside to find... nothing.

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Hiko: What the hell?! Where's my damn sake?! *sees note* What's this? *reads note* 

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

`Dear Master,

`While my friends and I were visiting at the Aoiya, `

`Aoshi fell down the stairs. When aiding him to his feet, I `

`noticed a tremendous boo-boo on his knee. Okina was out `

`of rubbing alcohol so I borrowed a few jugs of your sake. I `

`hope it's okay if I never repay you because I'm out of money. `

`Also, I would appreciate it if you'd stop drinking because I `

`don't want you to die of liver poisoning. To ensure that your `

`life remained unthreatened, I have told all of the alcohol `

`distributors in several different towns not to sell you any. I `

`hope that this will be okay with you and that it will help also to `

`make you a better person. One last thing, I also told the `

`same people not to sell you anymore pornography magazines. `

`They are dirty and bad for your soul. Thank you once again `

`for your generous distribution of your sake. `

`Love, `

` Kenshin `

` `

`P.S: Sano told Aoshi that some of your sake was apple cider `

`and Aoshi's been vomiting ever since he took a swig. `

`I'd appreciate it if you could tell us of a remedy to cure `

`him. Thanx bunches! `

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Hiko: *crumples note* I'm gonna kill that idiot apprentice!… and that loser who's barfing up my precious sake! snivel My poor sake…sniff

*at the Aoiya*

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Sano: Hey Kenshin, this is really bad! If Aoshi keeps up at this rate, we're going to be drowning in spew!

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Kenshin: It's your fault for telling him it was apple cider.

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Sano: Oh c'mon! I thought that a little good ol' sake would raise his spirits! 

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Kenshin: You knew he didn't have tolerance!

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Sano: He doesn't have tolerance for anything! All he does is sit there and glare at us.

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Kenshin: I'll have you know that he can have a great sense of humor when he wants to!

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Sano: Yah? When?

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Kenshin: Uh… bah… dah.. Er… um.. Uh… ergh… That's beside the point! The fact is that you have done something that is wrong so you must now go repent!

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Misao: *barging in* Where's Aoshi-sama?! Where'd he go?!

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Sano: I think he's upstairs!

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Misao: *bawl* But I was just upstairs and he's not there!!

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Kenshin: He's… relocated! 

*Sano and Kenshin look over to see Aoshi staggering into room*

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Misao: Aoshi-sama!! *glomps Aoshi*

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Aoshi: *barfs*

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Misao, Kenshin, and Sano: EEEEEWWWWW!!!!

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Misao: I knew Kaoru was carrying a disease!!! It's that damn ugliness of hers! Now she's infected Aoshi-sama!

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Kenshin: Don't make fun of Miss Kaoru! She is a person a person with a life… a soul!

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Sano: *looks at him awestruck* She does?!

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Okina: *walks in* There is a Mr. Saito here looking for you Mr. Himura… Good God! Aoshi, what's happened to you?!

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Misao: Kaoru infected him with the ugliness disease!

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Okina: Eegad! I thought it was just worms or something but this is serious! I knew that Kaoru had a disease but I figured that she was just your average leper. We must put Aoshi to bed immediately and then kill the disease carrying thing!

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Kenshin: She is a human being… I think…

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Okina: I'll be upstairs tending to Aoshi if you need me. *Misao and Okina haul off a puking Aoshi*

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Saito: *walks in* Good, I'd hoped I'd find you two here.

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Sano: SAITO! You're still alive?!

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Saito: No, moron, I'm not. That's why I'm standing here.

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Sano: SHUT UP!

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Kenshin: Why have you come here?

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Saito: It seems that an enraged Hiten Mitsurugi master headed toward the Aoiya. This man is known as… Hiko, Seijuro.

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Kenshin: *gasp* Master!

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Saito: I'm here to kick the guy's ass.

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Sano: I've got a question for you Saito!

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Saito: Let me guess. You want to know how I survived.

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Sano: No! I want to know why you have your bangs in your face like I do!

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Saito: It's a heredity trait.

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Kenshin: But that could only mean…

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Saito: Sano, it's time for you to know the truth. *sigh* I am… your father.

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Sano: No way! If that's true, who's my mother?

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Kenshin: I am.

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Sano: WHAT??!!! BUT YOU'RE A GUY!!!

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Kenshin: Yah, now I am, but back then…

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Sano: EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Kenshin: Saito! I still remember that night when you left me for another woman!

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Saito: Sorry, but you had just had that surgery and the thought of being married to a transvestite wasn't very appealing.

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Kenshin: So maybe my dream was to be a man! You should have excepted me for who I was!

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Sano: I'M SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Saito: Shut up moron!

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Sano: Why don't you shut up?!

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Saito: Honor your father and your mother!

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Hiko: *walks in* Kenshin! I have come for your soul!!! *steps toward Kenshin* Now you will feel the utmost pai-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! *slips on barf*

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Saito: The Hiten Mitsurugi Master. I shall kill you!

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Hiko: Why?!!! I would think that at least you would understand me! Your ex, after all, stole ALL of my sake!

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Saito: *gasp* Eegad! How horrid!

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Aoshi: *stumbles back into room* 

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Kenshin: Uh oh.

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Hiko: That must be… the one barfing up MY sake!

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Saito: Ya, probably.

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Kenshin: Don't just stand there! Protect him!

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Saito: I don't feel like it.

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Sano: Mommy, daddy, please stop fighting.

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Aoshi: *barf*

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Hiko: You must die! *slays Aoshi*

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Kenshin: Aoshi, my love!

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Saito: Wait… when did you have a thing for Aoshi?

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Kenshin: I dunno, since the author started putting words into my mouth.

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Saito: That works.

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Hiko: You all talk to much! *slays Saito*

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Kenshin: Saito! My ex-love!

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Hiko: And your damn annoying! *slays Kenshin*

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Hiko: Boy, I feel a hell lot better. I think I'm going to go to the bar and get some sake.

And that is just what he did.


End file.
